dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize