Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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