I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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