pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just high enough for therapy.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
