nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
