I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
