matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
