I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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