oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
