I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think people are normalizing furries
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize