Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
