you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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