so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
