How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
