No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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