All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
