Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
