I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
