those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
