Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
