That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
