were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
