If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
