Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
