Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
