I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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