there was a trapeze. enough said
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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