Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
