Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
