I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize