guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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