I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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