just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
