broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
