I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
