I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
