new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
