i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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