Buhtt sex?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
