I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
