im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
