I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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