I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
