Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
