I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
