By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
