roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize