You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
