My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
