my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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