the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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