Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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