thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
