he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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