The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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