no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
