I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Shame - the story of my life.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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