Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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