What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
