on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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