Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's never too late to be topless.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize