He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
