Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
