and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
