I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
