There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize