Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize
