i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
