You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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