Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
