Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
