ugly people sure do ruin things
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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