just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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