I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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