hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
