i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
