I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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