I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
