Your face is a jimmy john
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
