i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
