Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
