the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
