wakey wakey hands off snakey
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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