but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
