you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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