Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
