yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
