Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
