dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize