A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
