pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
