I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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