Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
