Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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