Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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