I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
