Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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